undo-ing damages from sunday

i was hoping to be 149 by now.. but i am 150 after working out so hard yesterday and fasting:/

oh well hopefully tommorow.

back to 152

one day of bingeing and stuffing my fat cheeks all day made me gain 3 lbs.

well im fasting again so hopefully this will al come off by tommorow morning. i want to see 149 or lower tommorow morning when i wake up.

also today i went to see the orthodontist to figure out how to straighten my teeth. i model and sing so i need to figure out the most affective and quickest way to do so.

well im pretty nervous i hope i end up getting invisalign instead of actual braces. im a bit too old to have that and it wont do to well for my self esteem.

binge.

its 1am and i binged.

ate a korean pancake thing which is all carbs and kimchi, watermelon and a 1/4 spoonful of peanut butter.

tried to purge, all i got was a bunch of water and chili flakes.

FML

today is eating day but it was meant to start when i woke up tommorow... so depending on how much damage this did tommorow on the scale... i may or may not eat.

Mia shut up shut up shut up

i hate you Mia.

I was on miafriends and drooling over food porn of cheesy food and sushi.

About to have a binge then Ana told me to leave the site and go to an ana site where i can get my mind and willpower back.

right now i am chewing gum an wanting to go to the gym... but i cant find my ipod charger and my ipod is dead :/

i feel like such a fatass.

and i dont even know why. I had 3 slices of watermelon today and a bunch of tea and water and i peed a bunch.

but i just weighed myself and i gained 2 lbs from this morning.. bringing me back up to 150.

hopefully its all the water and tea ive been drinking today. I am currently drinking more green tea to make me pee all this weight off. :/

:[

and tommorow is my eating day but im not even sure if i want to eat anything tommorow I feel fat as fuck. 

!!!!140's!!!!!!

OMG IM IN MY 140's!

im 149.8 lbs lol

give me a week and half and ill get down to my 130's! 

:D

day 5

sooo im 151.1 lbs. im almost to my 140s !!!! :D

i havent had actual food since monday. and it feels amazing.

Heart attack and CW

So I had a heart attack coming this morning. day 4 of my super restricting. I am anemic, have Thallesemmia minor, been abusing my body with bingeing and purging the past year and im also on my period. Last time this happened I ended up having the ambulance pick me up from my house and take me to the hospital because I couldn't move, was throwing up and having diarrhea and was in so much pain.

Well this 4am morning I couldnt breathe. I felt the tightening of my chest and was freaking out so i dragged my limp body out of bed had a slice of watermelon and half an orange to bring my blood sugar up, drank water, took my vitamins and had tylenol. I also woke my bf in the other room to come sit with me and he suggested I put my hands over my head and then I felt much better and started breathing normally again.

It was one of the scariest moments in my life. besides when i had to be taken to the hospital for the same reason that was alot more painful. 

anyway now that i am feeling better and I realize that I ate this morning, I have decided not to eat anything else for the rest of the day. but skip my workout to give a break to my heart.

Also I cheated a little and weighed myself after I ate this morning... and  i am 152.6 lbs!!

so i think if I keep this up, by next week I should be in my 140's !! :D

Ana said shes proud of me [:

supermodel stats

SUPERMODELS

Alessandra Ambrosio: 5'10" 112lbs 34-23-34
Adriana Lima: 5'10" 112lbs 34-23-33
Karolina Kurkova: 5'11" 120lbs 34-25-35
Izabel Goulart: 5'10" 123lbs 33-23-35
Amber Valletta: 5'9" 102lbs
Carmen Kass: 5'10" 114lbs
Gisele Bundchen: 5'11" 115lbs
Petra Nemcova: 5'10" 117lbs
Ana Beatriz Barros: 5'10" 125lbs
Marisa Miller: 5'8" 110lbs
Julia Stegner: 5'11" 123lbs

i feel like a bag of mayo

I honestly do not even feel worthy of writing a blog today. I ate under 300 cals yesterday and today I had nothing so far except for tea. last week I lost 5 lbs and gained it all back from 4 days of bingeing and purging. So this week I feel like i am doing better and trying to keep up my motivation but I still feel like nothing is happening. Impatient. Anxious. 

I should probobly work out before my lazy, fat, dimpled ass grows even more.

 

btw. I am not setting my foot on a scale till my weigh in on Sunday. I always tend to be disappointed if i constantly weigh myself and it turns me into a bitch the whole day. Also I tend to binge if I don't lose enough. Im sure you understand the "fuck it all" mode when you don't lose enough when you work so hard and binge.

hello

I am excited to finally have made a blog! This blog is about my best friend "ED" or Ana. This is a pro-ana blog, so please do not be offended. This blog is for girls just like myself who need a little more support and help with eating disorders and is NOT for people who are trying to recover or people who do not support our lifestyle, so if that is you please leave.

My name is Lisa and last summer I have been diagnosed with EDNOS. I have both symptoms of ana and mia. I am trying to re-invent myself and strive even harder to lose weight and finally reach my goal of 120 lbs. I am currently a whale and I weigh 156 lbs, I am 5'9.

I will eat less than 500 calories throughout the week and sundays will be my "Eat Anything Day". This will go on for a minimum of 2 months until I can think of a better plan. 

Thought this diet I will update this blog and tell you how im doing! (I might even post some pics of my fat belly that will hopefully grow smaller every week [: