FML i found some really triggering

old pictures of me today on a friends facebook. i look so gross . those pics were when i was 156 and im at 148 right now but i still feel gross. also my friends sister who i thought was chubby is apparently 150 and a inch shorter than me. fasting starting right now. im so disgusted by myself

im loving these thinspo vid btw.

also this one (THIN) swedish girl is giving me so much motivation.

I'm BACK!

ate less than 300 cals yesterday and im back to 148. 

not eating today..

not eating tommorow

not eating the day after tommorow

and so forth till i am in my 130's.

then im going to wait till my weight stabilizes and get my metalbolism back then the cycle starts again until im in my 120's [:

im so pumped and excited for this..

and i quit cheer so i can focus on ana and my singing [:

once i get to my 130's i am going VINTAGE shopping and spending $1000 on a new wardrobe of SMALLER teeny clothes. :D

hiatus

currently 148. im on a break, for my own sanity.

in the meantime... my birthday is coming up so im making a wishlist!

1.   http://www.chanel.com/fashion/8#8-large-flap-bag-1,1,3,4

2.  black rimless gucci sunglasses

3.  http://www.chanel.com/fashion/8#8-orylag-evening-clutch-with-pearl-chain-and-chanel-signature-1,1,3,26

1.  http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?GrpTyp=PRD&ItemID=190ed85&DeptID=70731&CatID=71777&SO=0&x5view=1&Ne=5+3+14+1037+1031+23+18+904+949+833&shopperType=G&N=4294953499&Nao=42&PSO=0&CmCatId=70731

2.  more juicy velour pants/tracksuits

3. Chanel studs

4.  MAC eyeshadow pallette

5.  http://www1.bloomingdales.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=469567&CategoryID=19956

6.  http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=KB-259434&page=4&cgname=OSCLOSPTZZZ&rfnbr=4623

(I like the black love pink one or the pink snake one)

7.  http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=KB-260395&page=1&cgname=OSCLODRSBLK&rfnbr=3198

8. I want this for when i get skinny.. http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=KB-259041&page=4&cgname=OSCLOSXYZZZ&rfnbr=3367

9.  http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?

catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=acc%5Fbelts&product%5Fid=2067392061&Page=1

10.  http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=KB-258907&page=2&cgname=OSCLOTOPHOO&rfnbr=6533

6 lbs in one day.

i freakin suck.

so i got down to 144lbs on saturday then i binged from saturday night and all of sunday.

and i weighed myself this morning and i am up to 149.9 lbs

wtf.

so i am in bed fucking depressed as shit. went to the gym this morning n took a bunch of laxitives that havent started working yet.

>:[

i hate binging.

no eating sundays either from now on.

ive been fasting since monday.

and im still 149..

am i doing something wrong? and the space between my thighs seem to be slowly closing up...

butbut i tried on smaller shirts and dresses that were tight on me and they fit really well!

only my shoulders are still huge but theres nothing really i can do about my bone structure... is there?

3rd day

3rd day of fasting.

i think i should eat really little to keep my metabolism from going into starvation mode.. 

ill eat a few blueberries.